The Fantasy Report with Carl

 Hello, League-Mates! Welcome to a very special addition of the Fantasy Report with Carl! It's Thanksgiving Day, and I am sure that all of you are looking forward to eating as much as possible and sitting back and watching football. One thing I will say that I am thankful for is that the Bears aren't playing today, and I don't have to have my Thanksgiving dinner ruined by awful coaching. Seriously, how the hell does Matt Eberflus not think that he's getting fired after the season?  Anyways, I wanted to take a look back and say a few things that I am grateful for: 1. Fantasy Football. My life would not be complete without Fantasy Football. I cannot describe how much I love it, despite constantly getting kicked in the nuts by it. I believe it was once me who stated to Johnny, "I like Fantasy football." Don't believe me? Ask Johnny. Or don't. Whatever, it's a free country.  2. My League-Mates. Yes, that's right, I am thankful for all of you. If it...

 Hello, League-Mates, and welcome to the Week 10 Review.  I want to start off by saying that I nearly defeated Johnny this week, and it if weren't for a combination of horrible refs and the Jets offense lacking the ability to get out of their own way, I would have walked away victorious. That just goes to show how narrow the margin of victory is from defeat.  I am truly amazed at how much the league has started to turn into an even race. I really believe that if I had defeated Johnny, the league would look a lot more open this week than it currently does. The great thing about this weekly review is that it allows for me to look back and see how things were looking on a particular week, and as well as a week-by-week basis.  As I looked back through the annals of the season, it was me who proclaimed that it was a two-horse race between Johnny and Patrick. I believe that I not only wrote myself off, but a large majority of you, my faithful readers, as well. Do I blame m...

 Hello League-Mates, and welcome to the Week 9 Review! It was an interesting week for sure. Kaleigh pulled off a major upset and took down Johnny. I really wish I hadn't used the Buster Douglas analogy! I had promised a Week 9 Power Rankings, and I won't disappoint.  10: Kaleigh, "Booze Bags": Kaleigh pulled off an incredible upset last week. I think it's too late in the season to really make a major push for the play-offs, but she can definitely pull off becoming a spoiler.  9: Caleb, "NIGHT OWLS": Caleb has seen some serious struggles this year, despite huge output from CeeDee Lamb. He too, can play the role of spoiler.  8: John Sr, "Password is Tacos": John's team isn't bad, but it isn't great. His bench has (3) QBs, which is always a bad way to clog up your roster.  7: Ian, "Dog Orgy": Ian has hit a 2-game losing streak, and at this point in the season, losing streaks are not a good thing to go through. Maybe all the d...

 Hello, League-Mates, and welcome to the Week 8 Review. Yes, I am back, despite the angry letter review from last week. Maybe it's because today is Halloween, and I am more afraid than ever about the future of my fantasy season, or it was the amount of fan mail that I received this past week, but I felt compelled to write a week review again. This time, with some heart, rather than malice.  I originally thought that a scary, haunted, Halloween themed review was in order, but then I realized that I would have to dive into everyone's teams and try and assign a scary figure to represent them, and to be honest, that was a lot of work to do on such little time. Therefore, sit back and read as I spill forth such poetic words that Walt Whitman himself would proclaim that I am the one who is accused of gab and loitering by the spotted hawk.  I believe it to be axiomatic when I say that a fantasy football season is full of ups and downs. It's a metaphorical rollercoaster that we a...

 Hello League-Mates, and welcome to the Week 6 Review.  It was a really, really, underwhelming week 6. Some offenses really couldn't find a groove, and I believe that it reflected in our scores because only 4 teams scored more than 100 points. And all 4 of those 100 point scorers were pitted against each other. Which leads me to my next point: JOHNNY LOST!!!! Much like Howard Cosell announced on January 22, 1973, "Down goes Frazier!!!", I shouted to Chrissy, Kujo, and Felix, "Down goes Johnny!!! Down goes Johnny!!!". Hats off to my Dad for pulling an upset that he compared to Buster Douglas upsetting Mike Tyson.  I don't really care to dwell too much on the losses of other league-mates because there could be bad Karma, so let's move onto Week 6 Power-Rankings, worst to first.  10. Kaleigh, "Booze Bags": The struggle is real for Kaleigh this year. I have been shouting from the mountain tops that Kaleigh was lying to us at the draft and that she ...

 Hello League-Mates, and welcome to the Week 5 Review!  I would first like to thank Kory, who in his ultimate wisdom, decided to bench DJ Moore. And to be honest, I would have done the same thing; therefore, I cannot really sit here and bash the decision.  I wanted to do a Week 5 power rankings, but I think I am going to save that for next week. But I will give you all a little preview, #1 and #2 will go to Johnny and Patrick. Why? Well, Johnny is loaded and somehow, some way, Patrick convinced him to trade away Smith. So, the top 2 scoring teams in the league basically gave the entire league a giant "Fuck You" and formed an alliance like that which is seen in Big Brother or Survivor.  I don't have any resolution yet in how to defeat this newly founded Axis of Evil. It took the Allies nearly 4 years to create a wrinkle in the Axis Powers. And fuck, the Allies had Montgomery, MacArthur, Patton, Eisenhower, and Zuhkov to help lead the way to victory. I'm just not sure ...

 Hello League-Mates, and welcome to the Week 4 Review of the Fantasy Report with Carl! I wanted to start out by saying, that yours truly, is no longer winless. In fact, I have catapulted into 8th place! So, all of the haters out there can choke on their haterade!! Now that I have that out of the way, I want to let everyone know that this article may or may not be a rant. I have some facts thrown in there, but it's mostly fluff and filler to occupy your time for a few minutes. Not everything I write is going to be worthy of Pulitzer Prizes or some kind of blog award, but I do what I can to appease the masses.  First, was everyone aware that Kory's team has exceeded projected point totals every week so far? Well now you know. Actually, it's not just Kory who has done this, Patrick, and Jenna have accomplished this too.   Second, teams are 1-1 this year in our league if the top scoring QB was started. Furthermore, teams that started a top 5 scoring QB this week went 1-2...