Week 5 Review

 Hello League-Mates, and welcome to the Week 5 Review! 

I would first like to thank Kory, who in his ultimate wisdom, decided to bench DJ Moore. And to be honest, I would have done the same thing; therefore, I cannot really sit here and bash the decision. 

I wanted to do a Week 5 power rankings, but I think I am going to save that for next week. But I will give you all a little preview, #1 and #2 will go to Johnny and Patrick. Why? Well, Johnny is loaded and somehow, some way, Patrick convinced him to trade away Smith. So, the top 2 scoring teams in the league basically gave the entire league a giant "Fuck You" and formed an alliance like that which is seen in Big Brother or Survivor. 





I don't have any resolution yet in how to defeat this newly founded Axis of Evil. It took the Allies nearly 4 years to create a wrinkle in the Axis Powers. And fuck, the Allies had Montgomery, MacArthur, Patton, Eisenhower, and Zuhkov to help lead the way to victory. I'm just not sure we have enough to defeat them. Jenna just lost Jefferson for at least 4 weeks, Kaleigh lost Connor for a few weeks, John Sr's team isn't playing well because he gave out his password and Johnny and/or Patrick are probably setting his line-up moments before the games start. My Dad is currently not speaking with his app, Caleb is so depressed about the Steelers offense that he doesn't care about his team, Ian is hosting dog orgy parties, Kory is on suicide watch, and lastly, I'm still not sure if Joe Burrow remembers how to run an NFL offense. 

Therefore, we must put aside our petty differences and refocus on defeating the Axis of Evil. Use your FAAB and get the best free agents. Don't listen when Johnny or Patrick come to you regarding trades, remember what Charles Baudelaire wrote: "[t]he greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist", also what Ken Ammi wrote, "[t]he second greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he was the good guy". Consult every fantasy podcast you can listen to; read every fantasy article you come across. 

I leave you with one last quote, from Charlie Chaplin's "The Great Dictator": 

"The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed - the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish…"

I wish you all peace, love, and Fantasy Football prosperity.

Sincerely, 

Carl 

 





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It's June, and I'm Feeling Frisky...or Anxious

Image
 Hello, League-Mates! And welcome to a very special addition of "The Fantasy Report with Carl". I want to extend a more formal welcome to the new league members. This "Report" is more like a reflection that I compose from time-to-time. I will not lie, sometimes I feel like these reflections are Pulitzer Prize winners. More often than not I feel as if I have done a great service for my fellow league-mates. Whether you agree is for you to decide, not me. Will this be a Pulitzer Prize winner? I don't think so, but maybe over the course of the next few paragraphs it will morph into something that makes you truly sit back and think. I digress.  Our league has officially expanded to 12-teams. It is a new chapter for us (I could quote a particular line from a very famous Bob Dylan song right now, but I would rather be forced to listen to a Maroon 5 album than give that arrogant, self-righteous prick any unknowing satisfaction of getting any recognition in my blog). We ...
Read more

Look It's A Mock Draft!

Image
Good evening league-mates. This evening's Fantasy Report with Carl is a special one.  To begin, I want to discuss for all you amateur  ornithologist, the  Mimus Polyglottos, or Mockingbird. It's quite a popular avian, for reasons that I'm not sure of. Maybe it's because of Harper Lee's novel, or the Eminem song. Or maybe even a popular Tik Tok that is floating around. Either way, it's name alone contains the reason for today's Fantasy Report.  The second topic, which is definitely more fitting to our purpose today is the Mock Trial. Did you all know that Mock Trials date to 14th century Britian to help aspiring lawyers? Now you do.  Now to the meat and potatoes of today's Fantasy Report: Our 2nd Annual Mock Draft, presented by Johnny, Patrick, and myself.  PLEA Round 1 - Johnny 1. Johnny -  Ja'Marr Chase As the highest scoring non-Quarterback last year, Johnny will hope that level of dominance continues for this upcoming season.  2. Jenna - Justin...
Read more

Week 4 Review

Image
Hello League-Mates! And welcome to a special addition of the "Fantasy Report with Carl".  As many, if not all of you, have noticed; I have broken away from the traditional weekly blog. To be honest, it is very difficult to write a new, exciting, mind-bending, thought-provoking, blog every week. I simply don't have the time or muses to do so.  I have explained in many of my blogs that my inspiration comes from TV shows, movies, books, or songs. To be quite honest, it's actually books that entice my inner workings of a wannabe novelist/columnist. Yes, believe it or not, at one time in my life I did want to be a writer. It has always appealed to me, particularly when I read a book or article that is so beautifully written and articulated. They truly make me appreciate the intelligence of men and women alike. And as much as I may appreciate those writers and their God-given skills, I do become jealous. For example, who the hell does Paulo Coelho think he is? Writing such ...
Read more