Week 1 2023

 Hello League-Mates, and welcome to my blog. I'd like to actually consider this our blog, but I am the one writing it, and maintaining it, so actually it's mine! All mine!!!!!

Week 1 is in the books, and I would be remiss if I didn't say that I wasn't surprised by the utter shitty-ness of it all! I have included a picture of me, as Joe Burrow's week 1 performance unfolded:

Now, I hear you, concerned members of the league, it's only week 1. I get it. But look around you. We are literally on the threshold of hell! Only 3 teams scored more than 100 points. Think about it. That's completely fucked. 

I do have a working theory that weeks 1 & 2 from now on are always going to rough. Teams are resting players more in preseason games, and it shows. 

I really don't have much to poke fun at, other than myself. I had woken up Sunday, excited as can be. I even wrote a beautiful discussion post, that I must say, was quite hilarious. I sat on my couch, counting down the minutes until noon. I looked over my leagues, and I was feeling very good about them. 

Then the games started. It was like fighting a ten-armed punching machine with my hands ties behind my back. Then after getting my ass kicked thoroughly by the ten-armed punching machine, the 3:30 games started. That was like getting kicked in the balls by Messi or David Beckham. By the time the SNF game started, I was shell of the man that I woke up as. I even thought about legally changing my name to "The Biggest Fantasy Football loser known as Carl". 

I understand that half the league is undefeated, and to you all I say hold onto that feeling. Hold on and don't let anyone else on board that life raft, much like that red-headed bitch Rose did to Jack. But I warn you all, there is an iceberg of defeat floating in the calm waters of the fantasy season. And we are all aboard the doomed shipped that is believed to be unsinkable. I wish I could be more optimistic, but I cannot bring myself to even send out an S.O.S. I am going down with the ship, remember me not as the despondent fantasy player, but as the funny, witty, charming fantasy writer than brings hope and smiles to thousands. 

Sincerely,

Carl